Max

One of my first friends when I got to Italy, is Max. He is a dog.  According to my host, Max is not theirs. It's their neighbor’s dog. He frequented there because his owner’s granny did not like him. But anyway, he would still go back there in spite of the abuses and sleep outside their house.

Dogs are like that. Once you tamed them, they're forever grateful. You kick them, they get hurt, but later on when you caress them, they come to you with its tail wagging in excitement.  Some of us are like Max, sad to say.

For 5 years, I acted like Max. My professor who happened to be a priest, humiliated me in public.  He would burst out anytime and said he needed to release his anger.  I never said a word against him, and would bow my head when he passed by. I was always grateful for his blessings. I was like a dog for all those years.

As Paulo Cuelho says, "Sacrifice is not a virtue, and joy is not a sin."  To let others hurt you is not a virtue. In fact it is a sin. God gave you self-respect and wants you to preserve that. God wants us to be happy; and to enjoy being treated fairly is not a sin, in fact it is what God wants… to be happy. - Assert your happiness...

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photo: watermarked | posted by john b. bejo

The Social Generation

The generation today is so lucky.  They are so blessed with precious information, quotes and stories on how to handle life and relationships. And what's more fun is that they can think aloud in their posts. 

On the other hand, I met businessmen and old school parents who have no time to get re-educated anymore. They are stubborn and think they know everything that needs to be known. Their surroundings are as fortified as the great wall of china. They can't listen, and have no time to understand the other person.

But they are sad and alone too. They are fixed to themselves. They can't give, and therefore there's no source of genuine joy. They're always in constant fear of having nothing, for the world will laugh at them.

On the contrary, I say this generation is not bound in age, but in an era. This generation is composed of people as young as 7 years old and as old as 80.  Now, through the net, they speak, they  get company, they belong, they get accepted. This is the social generation, a generation that is not afraid to share, involve, learn and evolve… 

If you’re reading this, you’re in this generation  
Happy New Year!

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photo: freelancefolder.com | posted by john b. bejo

Hold It Tight

One of the most wonderful experiences when I was a kid was kite flying. My first time was the most unforgettable too.

I was about 5 years when a friend of my brother let me hold the string.  Above was the 1 and 1/2 meter wide kite. It was so strong and beautiful. I was holding it with tiny hands when suddenly the wind blew stronger and I almost let it go. 

A moment later, I was silently crying. When my brother's friend noticed me, he asked, "Why are you crying? We have the kite!" And then I showed him my hands, there were long blister-like wounds on both. It felt like I held a smoldering iron. It happened that I loosely held the string, and when it pulled, the friction burnt my hands.

From then on, I learned an essential lesson in life, If you have a dream, hold it tight, or else it will burn you. The same is true with relationship, you need to believe in it and hold it tight or else it will burn you and lose it…

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photo: amazepicsvids.blogspot | posted by john b. bejo

A Marvelous Gift

A friend once hesitated to share with me her burden. When I asked why, she said she was afraid she's dumping her garbage on me... I told her that maybe there were some garbage there, but that's exactly one purpose of a friend.

A friend is a person who is willing to help carry the burden of another friend, willing to get soiled, willing to waste time, willing to listen to the most silly things we complain about life. When one unloads some emotional garbage, a friend helps the other to carry and sort them out.

A friend once told me, "If you have something that's hurting you inside but don't want to share it with me, I feel like a total stranger left in the cold winter outside the gate."

Sharing is a marvelous process. It makes one part of the other. Some call it being “soul mates”.  It's also called empathy. As Aristotle once said, “ Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”   And having a real friend is a marvelous gift…

Auguri!

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photo: Google image | posted by john b. bejo

The Dispensable

One of the biggest self deceptions anyone could have is the thought that he or she is indispensable. Anyone is dispensable. Anybody can be ditched.

I talked with a stressed mother years ago and I understood why she had all these wrinkles and stressful look: she was all over the affairs of her children. As most parents are, she thought that their world would not spin without her. 

One day, I asked her what she sees when she goes to the cemetery. She said, "Of course, tombs!" "Right," I said. "And most of those ‘great’ people thought the world would not turn around without them. But look at now, they're gone but the earth moves as if nothing happens..."

Steve Jobs, Berlusconi, Obama, our all powerful boss, the cranky helpdesk officers, me, you are dispensable. The world will not cease if any of us is gone… and neither will our world should cease to move when somebody is gone. Move on…

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photo: watermarked | posted by john b. bejo

Ungenerous God

When I was a kid, I prayed for the power to fly and to shoot my enemies with the power of Cyclops. At the park that day, I learned that my archenemy was praying too… he prayed to be given the powers like those of Jean Grey and Wolverine. At the end of the day, I thanked God He did not grant his wishes. Maybe he was grateful too that my prayers were not granted either.

Perhaps, the greatest generosity of God is His restraint in delaying or even not granting most of our wishes. Imagine if all our prayers are answered ‘yes’. What a chaotic a world this could be. Bruce Almighty understood this very much.

“If your son asks for food, will you give him a scorpion?… If you then, sinful as you are, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
~Luke 11:10-13

God always answers our prayers in three ways:
‘Wait’, you’re not yet ready, so be patient. Ok?
‘No’, it’s not good for you and the people around you. Be reasonable.
‘Yes’, you made the right choice. Enjoy and treasure it.

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photo:by Bruce Almighty| posted by john b. bejo

Stink Bugs

Stink bugs are all over my windows.  They came green and stayed there until they turned dark brown. So, they either die of old age or being squeezed between doors.

For almost four years in my previous job, I and my colleagues would talk about how the system stunk and how unhappy we were. We talked about green pastures and eventually leaving. But after a decade, most of them are still there.

Some people stay where they are like bugs. They would complain about their status, hate their bosses, damn the system and talk about moving out or getting married but never did. They came green with idealism and dreams, but stayed until they turned brown with fear to leave and explore the world.

Life is too short to stay in one place. There are thousand things to do, millions of wonderful people to meet and countless amazing places to go. Don’t get squeezed in the system, go, take risks, be willing to lose  and be always ready to live. Buongiorno

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photo:by br1gino| posted by john b. bejo

Overtake

Italy is a bikers’ haven. Pedaling to my work one morning, I noticed an awful smell: it was a garbage truck ahead. I knew I was no match with its speed, so when it stopped to pick up more garbage, I sped up with all my might to overtake it; and yeah, I did it!

I used to do a job which I really love, but left after 4 years because members of the administration were addicted to garbage talk and they wanted everyone to feel bad about themselves. I made a detour and overtook them.

Once in while, we may feel awful and bad about ourselves and the world around us; but if we look closely, we understand why: we catch other people’s garbage. These people collect garbage along the way and make us see and smell them. They air out their frustrations, stress and simple discontentment about anything. And the most awful thing about all these is we absorb them.

One thing I always remember about my father: ‘Avoid people with loud and dirty mouths;  they can kill the spirits…’

“Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” ~ Ephesians 4:29

Ciao

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photo: about.com| posted by john b. bejo

The Broken Umbrella

This morning, Namie cried a lot because her favorite umbrella was broken.
The first thing she said to me was, "Daddy, I'm sorry..."

She cried for several more minutes while hugging me. I told her it was not her fault and it's ok. She was grieving. So, I decided to assist her in taking to rest her favorite umbrella. We took a picture of it and then let her put it away in a recycle bin. I told her that somebody will make good use of her (the umbrella) and that she'll be ok.

What we just did was a kind of a grieving ritual. To us adults, the umbrella is just an umbrella, but to a 5 year old kid like her, it's a part of her reality, an extension of herself, a ‘she’; and losing it is a painful experience that needs to be processed . A ritual is oftentimes necessary to dress a wound.

Like Namie, most of us respond to a loss in the same manner and we need a ritual of grief to help us heal and let go. This process will not only clear some emotional issues, but will also prepare us to welcome and love a new umbrella…

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What Is Your Mantra Again?

A year ago, I wrote about mantra. Now, it's about time to ask: "What is your mantra again?"

Sailing is more complex than driving a car. Aside from its technical complexities, you need to deal with the wind and the current: you need to constantly redirect its course towards your vision.

Life is very much similar to sailing. We may have set our goals from the start, but we need to constantly recheck, redirect and re-affirm our goal. We need to constantly renew our mantra.

What is your mantra?
Kids:  "Toys, toys, toys."
Teenage girls: “His glance, his glance, his glance.”
High school boys: “Fit in, fit in, fit in, fit in.”
As*h*les: “Everyone is an assh*le, assh*le, assh*le, assh*le”
Negaholics: “It can’t be done, it can’t be done, it can’t be done.”
Trolls: “Everything is crap, crap, crap, crap.”

Plus people: “Peace, blessing, kindness, peace…”

How we deal with the world around us depends so much on how we define life. But sad to say, some of our definitions of what life is come from situations and people who haven’t lived life to the fullest yet.

The good news is, we can always redefine life. We can always change our mantra. We can change our lives by changing our mantra… “Peace, blessing, kindness, peace…”

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Revalida

'Revalida' is not a name of a Spanish lady next door. It was the word we used to fear during our philosophy days. It’s the ultimate exam to re-validate our holistic knowledge for the degree.

It seems that life presumes everyone has flunking grades. Everyone needs re-validations. Everyone, every vow, every promise, every love needs to be re-validated (re-valida).

I witnessed several relationships which started like Hollywood love story and ended up in horror. After the 'yes,' after the honeymoon they slowly went into hibernation; they became  less and less expressive of their affections: less kisses, less 'I miss you's, less ‘I love you's’, less texts, less calls. They lost steam along the way.

Relationship is like  a hungry bear. It needs to be continuously fed . It's not that human being easily forgets. It's just that with the barrage of data coming in everyday, anyone easily gets buried and needed to be pulled out from the rubbles. Revalidation feeds our needs to give and to receive.

Kids knew we love them, but they needed to be reassured every time. Husbands and wives have made the vow in public already, but they need to re-validate that vow every once in a while in bed, in social networking, in text, while walking, while having groceries, while eating and especially while arguing. We re-validate our love whenever there’s an occasion… every time is an occasion.

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UnEnchanting

For days I have been abnormally dormant. I was depressed, angry, high strung and uninspiring. I thought I have nothing more to say, I have nothing more to give, I have nothing more offer.

It was not until this morning that I am able to recover and found out what was really going on. For days, some real life issues got into my nerve. And in my desire to prove how wrong those people are, I engaged with them.  I went into their level of relating until it made me like them: angry, high strung, uninspiring… un-enchanting.

Thanks to Guy Kawasaki. For years, he’s been enchanting people around him. I followed him on Google Plus and all I can say is he is the man whom this line talks about “In our world where everything is a number, struggle to be a plus to anybody, rather than a minus.” He’s a plus.

Here’s an infographic from this enchanting Guy. Click on it and simply hover your mouse over it until your mouse turns like a magnifier with a plus to zoom.

Be enchanting

Formula of a Happy Life

 

Learn to add beautiful memories each and everyday;
Smile a lot, bring presents, pick a flower, help a stranger;
Plan a surprise, dance, sing, swim and go fishing.
Nothing binds as tight as the chains of happy moments shared together.

Subtract wrinkles, frustrations, worries and envy;
Haters are like cars trapped in the traffic;
They burn energy and time but nowhere they go.
Walk, run, ride a bike, skip the elevators,
You burn energy faster and make leaner bodies.

Multiply friends, kindness and goodwill.
Join a cause, plant a tree, adopt a pet.
Write a poem for your loved one,
Read and tell stories for children and for the world.
This multiplies our ripples and gives hopes to everyone.

Divide your time according to your priority:
Go to church, plan a date, come to work on time.
Fulfill a promise especially to a child.
Divide your problems and solve them one at a time.

And don't forget that life's greatest equation
Is not measured by money or certificates,
But by the number of people we helped to be better persons.
A candle's true power is measured not on how wide or strong  its light is,
But on how many candles it shared its light with.

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Formula of a Happy Life

Learn to add beautiful memories each and everyday;
Smile a lot, bring presents, pick a flower, help a stranger;
Plan a surprise, dance, sing, swim and go fishing.
Nothing binds as tight as the chains of happy moments shared together.

Subtract wrinkles, frustrations, worries and envy;
Haters are like cars trapped in the traffic;
They burn energy and time but nowhere they go.
Walk, run, ride a bike, skip the elevators,
You burn energy faster and make leaner bodies.

Multiply friends, kindness and goodwill.
Join a cause, plant a tree, adopt a pet.
Write a poem for your loved one,
Read and tell stories for children and for the world.
This multiplies our ripples and gives hopes to everyone.

Divide your time according to your priority:
Go to church, plan a date, come to work on time.
Fulfill a promise especially to a child.
Divide your problems and solve them one at a time.

And don't forget that life's greatest equation
Is not measured by money or certificates,
But by the number of people we helped to be better persons.
A candle's true power is measured not on how wide or strong  its light is,
But on how many candles it shared its light with.

Love in Kind

Love creates and takes part in someone's joy,
It expounds our world and makes us see stars hidden in clouds;
It does not destroy nor curse nor belittle.
It binds, embraces and frees people.

Love is like an open hand
Ready to hold, willing to accept and let go...
Love gets angry, but does not hate.
Love listens to giggles and cries and teardrops;
And understands their rhythms as well as their silence.

Love in the morning when you kiss your dear ones.
Love before you leave, kiss goodbye and embrace.
Love when you're away: bring their faces in your memories.
Love when you're home; tell them how you miss them.

Love in kind, love in action, love in thoughts,
Love always, love while they’re still around….

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Love in Kind

Love creates and takes part in someone's joy,
It expounds our world and makes us see stars hidden in clouds;
It does not destroy nor curse nor belittle.
It binds, embraces and frees people.

Love is like an open hand
Ready to hold, willing to accept and let go...
Love gets angry, but does not hate.
Love listens to giggles and cries and teardrops;
And understands their rhythms as well as their silence.

Love in the morning when you kiss your dear ones.
Love before you leave, kiss goodbye and embrace.
Love when you're away: bring their faces in your memories.
Love when you're home; tell them how you miss them.

Love in kind, love in action, love in thoughts,
Love always, love while they’re still around….

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Heaven or Hell?

When I asked, "Where do you think MOST PEOPLE will go when they die,  to Heaven or Hell?;  most of our students answered: "To Hell!"  "That's sad," I said. And then I made a follow up question: "In your family, where do you think most of them will go?" They all answered, "To Heaven!" 

Most  people I asked of the same questions, gave me with the same answers. Most seem pessimistic about the fate of the world. But, I believe otherwise. I do believe that in spite of the bad news we heard everyday, good people abound and outnumber the rotten ones.

First, it's because Jesus died for ALL  John 2:2  and God will always seek out the lost  Luke 15:11-32.   And at the end of the world, The Lamb will overcome them because He is Lord of lords and King of kings  Revelation 17:14.
Second, everyone, even the hardened criminals or atheists, hopes to go to Heaven.
And lastly, because nobody wants his/her loved ones to go to hell...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There’s a Heaven, Don’t Worry :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heaven or Hell?

When I asked, "Where do you think MOST PEOPLE will go when they die,  to Heaven or Hell?;  most of our students answered: "To Hell!"  "That's sad," I said. And then I made a follow up question: "In your family, where do you think most of them will go?" They all answered, "To Heaven!" 

Most  people I asked of the same questions, gave me with the same answers. Most seem pessimistic about the fate of the world. But, I believe otherwise. I do believe that in spite of the bad news we heard everyday, good people abound and outnumber the rotten ones.

First, it's because Jesus died for ALL John 2:2  and God will always seek out the lost  Luke 15:11-32.   And at the end of the world, The Lamb will overcome them because He is Lord of lords and King of kings  Revelation 17:14.
Second, everyone, even the hardened criminals or atheists, hopes to go to Heaven.
And lastly, because nobody wants his/her loved ones to go to hell...

Nothing For Marvin

As part of our ante-dinner ceremony, I readied the 36 participants for the Gospel reading on the The Feeding Of The Five Thousand ( Matthew 14:13-21 ). But before I could start,  embarrassed, Marvin raised his hand and told me there's no more food for him anymore. 

That was the first time it happened for years. I took a deep breath, promised him to resolve his issue after we're done with the prayer.

After the reading, I said:
"First, in the Gospel, it was not true that there was no food for everyone. According to the tradition, most of the people who followed Jesus on the desert had 'packed lunches', but no one wanted to share.

"Second, the true miracle happened when somebody shared his packed lunch: 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. True enough, there is hunger in the world not because there's no food. There's hunger in the world because nobody wants to give... because of greed." I paused and looked at each and everyone…

"Third, although, I can, I would not go to the kitchen to ask for food for Marvin. You respond to this Gospel."

After I was done, everyone gathered to Marvin, apologizing, hugging and sharing their foods with him...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Miracles Happen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Nothing For Marvin

As part of our ante-dinner ceremony, I readied the 36 participants for the Gospel reading on the The Feeding Of The Five Thousand ( Matthew 14:13-21 ). But before I could start,  embarrassed, Marvin raised his hand and told me there's no more food for him anymore. 

That was the first time it happened for years. I took a deep breath, promised him to resolve his issue after we're done with the prayer.

After the reading, I said:
"First, in the Gospel, it was not true that there was no food for everyone. According to the tradition, most of the people who followed Jesus on the desert had 'packed lunches', but no one wanted to share.

"Second, the true miracle happened when somebody shared his packed lunch: 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. True enough, there is hunger in the world not because there's no food. There's hunger in the world because nobody wants to give... because of greed." I paused and looked at each and everyone…

"Third, although, I can, I would not go to the kitchen to ask for food for Marvin. You respond to this Gospel."

After I was done, everyone gathered to Marvin, apologizing, hugging and sharing their foods with him...

Impossible People

Impossible people, difficult people are some of the words we used to describe people who are.... well, difficult if not impossible to work with...

Working with difficult people is stressful, annoying and therefore draining and cursing. They make us purse our lips, shake our head and steam. And the worse thing about the whole situation is we're most of the time forced to deal with this kind of people... and they're everywhere.

These people are called with different names: Carlos Castaneda called them ‘Petty Tyrants’ , the early Christians called them ‘persecutors’,  athletes call them ‘obstacles.’

These labels say one significant reality, that these people are ‘necessary evil’ in our quest to be better persons; to paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche, “Those who don’t kill me, make me stronger.”

I have had several ‘petty tyrants’ in my life: a manipulative priest-instructor, a  selfish office secretary, a sarcastic CLM coordinator, and an old paranoid classmate. All of them may have made my life difficult, but each has taught me valuable lessons in life.

That manipulative priest squeezed me to the edge which helped me decide to have a family, which has made me the most happy person. That selfish secretary taught me the virtue of fairness. This lazy and sarcastic coordinator is teaching me ownership and gentleness . And my paranoid classmate has taught me humility and independence …

photo: Embrunman| posted by john b. bejo

Impossible People

Impossible people, difficult people are some of the words we used to describe people who are.... well, difficult if not impossible to work with...

Working with difficult people is stressful, annoying and therefore draining and cursing. They make us purse our lips, shake our head and steam. And the worse thing about the whole situation is we're most of the time forced to deal with this kind of people... and they're everywhere.

These people are called with different names: Carlos Castaneda called them ‘Petty Tyrants’ , the early Christians called them ‘persecutors’,  athletes call them ‘obstacles.’

These labels say one significant reality, that these people are ‘necessary evil’ in our quest to be better persons; to paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche, “Those who don’t kill me, make me stronger.”

I have had several ‘petty tyrants’ in my life: a manipulative priest-instructor, a  selfish office secretary, a sarcastic CLM coordinator, and an old paranoid classmate. All of them may have made my life difficult, but each has taught me valuable lessons in life.

That manipulative priest squeezed me to the edge which helped me decide to have a family, which has made me the most happy person. That selfish secretary taught me the virtue of fairness. This lazy and sarcastic coordinator is teaching me ownership and gentleness . And my paranoid classmate has taught me humility and independence …

The Devil’s Demise

In the land stricken by famine, there was a devout woman with a sick child. Day and night they prayed for food so loud and persistent that even the demons in their proud abode in hell were disturbed. So, one day a devil decided to come down to silence the mother and her daughter.

While in the middle of their prayer, the devil appeared. "Hahahaha!" Laughed the devil. “Don’t be scared, I am not here to kill you, but simply to tell you that your God will never listen to you! He is asleep and won't make miracles just for you!"

The trembling child answered him, "You’ll never know. God will answer our prayer." With that the devil mocked, "Hahaha! Don't you see how many dead people are on the street? Well, anyway you'll finally see how foolish you are."

For days the mother and the daughter continued praying. Irritated, the devil decided to pretend to be a good angel and gave foods to the mother and her daughter. Both were so happy and thanked God. The devil then went back to his original devil form and laughed out so loud rolling on the floor, "You fool! Your God did not show up. It was me who gave you those foods!”

After eating, the mother and her daughter prayed again. "Thank You, Lord, for You used even the devil to perform a miracle." Amen.

“If Satan appears to me and gives me money, I will accept the money and spend it all for the poor. The devil remains . . . my enemy but I will use his resources to feed the poor." ~ Jaime Cardinal Sin. Oct. 25, 2000

 

The Devil’s Demise

In the land stricken by famine, there was a devout woman with a sick child. Day and night they prayed for food so loud and persistent that even the demons in their proud abode in hell were disturbed. So, one day a devil decided to come down to silence the mother and her daughter.

While in the middle of their prayer, the devil appeared. "Hahahaha!" Laughed the devil. “Don’t be scared, I am not here to kill you, but simply to tell you that your God will never listen to you! He is asleep and won't make miracles just for you!"

The trembling child answered him, "You’ll never know. God will answer our prayer." With that the devil mocked, "Hahaha! Don't you see how many dead people are on the street? Well, anyway you'll finally see how foolish you are."

For days the mother and the daughter continued praying. Irritated, the devil decided to pretend to be a good angel and gave foods to the mother and her daughter. Both were so happy and thanked God. The devil then went back to his original devil form and laughed out so loud rolling on the floor, "You fool! Your God did not show up. It was me who gave you those foods!”

After eating, the mother and her daughter prayed again. "Thank You, Lord, for You used even the devil to perform a miracle." Amen.

“If Satan appears to me and gives me money, I will accept the money and spend it all for the poor. The devil remains . . . my enemy but I will use his resources to feed the poor." ~ Jaime Cardinal Sin. Oct. 25, 2000

A Jar of Honey

One that caught our attention was the drawing made by a Chinese girl. It was a jar of honey as a symbol of herself. At first, I thought it was simply sweet of her. But she awed us more when she started explaining why she had that symbol for herself.

“This jar of honey symbolizes me. As you know, honey is sweet. But it is in a closed earthen jar, which is hard,”  she started. ‘Well, people may find it hard to associate with me because we may not understand each other, or they thought I am different, but once that jar is opened they should know that I am as sweet as honey...”

Everyone was smiling that we all clapped our hands. Zhang Fin may have talked about herself alone, but I believe her symbol is a symbol of each one of us. We all are like jars of honey. The jar may look hard, unfriendly, distant, different, undesirable or even evil, but if people will only care to open that jar, they’ll see that inside is a basically good and warm person. 

A Jar of Honey

One that caught our attention was the drawing made by a Chinese girl. It was a jar of honey as a symbol of herself. At first, I thought it was simply sweet of her. But she awed us more when she started explaining why she had that symbol for herself.

“This jar of honey symbolizes me. As you know, honey is sweet. But it is in a closed earthen jar, which is hard,”  she started. ‘Well, people may find it hard to associate with me because we may not understand each other, or they thought I am different, but once that jar is opened they should know that I am as sweet as honey...”

Everyone was smiling that we all clapped our hands. Zhang Fin may have talked about herself alone, but I believe her symbol is a symbol of each one of us. We all are like jars of honey. The jar may look hard, unfriendly, distant, different, undesirable or even evil, but if people will only care to open that jar, they’ll see that inside is a basically good and warm person.