Jneo Life 2013

One of the childhood images that made impacts in my life, was an image of a phoenix bird. In general, ph0enix (φοίνιξ) symbolizes rebirth, consecration, a new hope, a new beginning. The phoenix may not exist in reality, but its metaphor in our lives is more real than reality itself. Its force is larger than life itself.

Every metaphor, every legend speaks of a reality which cannot be contained in a single word, or sentence. The metaphor of the phoenix reveals the reality of each man’s power to start a new life, the power to be a better person, the power to change, the power to re-align ourselves to our dreams.

To some, the year 2013 is just another year, another number added, another story. But to a person with a heart of the phoenix, this year is the year to hope again, to heal, to expand, to walk another miles, to travel, to forgive and to the love.

As Norman Cousins said, “The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started.”

Een prachtig begin
Един чудесен началото
Un inizio meraviglioso
Have a wonderful new beginning!

Who Is Your Boss?

God is my real Boss, and I shall not want.He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me.
He gently reminds me to pray before I speak
And to do all things without murmuring and complaining.

He reminds me that He is my Source and not my job.
He restores my sanity every day and guides my decisions
That I might honor Him in everything I do.
Even though I face absurd amounts of emails, system crashes,
Unrealistic deadlines, budget cutbacks, gossiping co-workers,

Discriminating supervisors and an aging body that does not
cooperate.

Every morning, I will not stop for He is with me!
His presence, His peace, and His power will see me through.
He raises me up, even when they fail to promote me.
He claims me as His own, even when the company
Threatens to let me go.

His faithfulness and love are better then any bonus checks.
His retirement plan He sends you your financial advisor.
When it is all said and done, I will be working for Him
A whole lot longer, and for that,
I bless His name.

*source: forwarded email

Life's Gyroscope

The feeling of happiness is an inner guage if we're in parallel with ourselves, with our destiny, with our purpose... It's an inner compass, a thermostat, the most accurate gyroscope in the whole universe.

Life is simple. When you're not happy where you're now it simply means that you're not supposed to be in that place. When you're not happy with the person you're with, it simply means that you're not supposed to be with that person, or that person is not supposed to be with you... 

The feeling of unhappiness tells us that something is not right. That you're in the wrong place, or with the wrong person.

Being happy is more than a state of being. It's not luck. It's not something that is given from the outside. Being happy is one's duty to herself or himself, it's our duty to the people around us; it's our duty to God.  Being happy is our destiny. We must seek for it, we must pay for it. We must risk for it.

Deserts of Life

Every one has his own deserts to cross. Sometimes the journey is short, sometimes it's long. Deserts maybe a symbol of hardships, uncertainties and, perhaps, death. But believe that in every desert, there's an oasis, every desert has an end and every desert has a promise... 

Rudy’s Decision

After some excruciating months, Rudy arrived at a decision to leave the seminary. His classmates made jokes about him, his family rejected him, his sponsors considered him ungrateful.

When I met him months after he left, I wanted to tell him how proud I were of him, and that it did not matter if his decision was right or wrong: what matters was that he made a decision.

But, I did not have the courage to tell him that. In front of me, was a broken man. His family stripped him of their 'love' and killed his hope. To them, his decision was a sign of defiance, of ungratefulness, of disrespect, a waste of money. They saw to it that he suffered for his decision.

Among my friends back in the seminary, the story of Rudy is just any other story, but to me, it’s precious; for every time, there’s a person who struggles to be real, to be honest with  himself there’s Rudy. I knew several stories like Rudy’s but with different ending, beautiful ending which gave birth to real happy people.

They got broken, lost hope but went back to the arena, picked up the pieces of themselves and continued the battle. Such are the true warriors of life.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Keep being real…

The Miracle of Embrace

There are two kinds of embrace: a healing embrace and a destructive one.

A mother who embraces her children in the morning,
a father who picks up a kid after a hard fall and carries her in his arms,
friends who hug each other after a period of separation,
lovers who sit side by side looking at the same direction: It's healing.

Embrace unites us, fuses us, touches our unseen wounds and heals them. It soothes the tensed muscles, neutralizes anger, secures the scared child within, and radiates an aura of love around us.  Such is the power of embrace.

An embrace may be destructive, however, when it suffocates, squeezes, controls, obligates and makes decisions for others. 

Embracing denotes acceptance of the person we embrace and giving of ourselves as well. It’s a mutual exchanged of ourselves.

A genuine embrace is free. It is an act of giving while receiving. When a person embraces another, there is no more distinction between giving and receiving: both happen at the same time. It is the most natural expression of love.

Embrace to love.
Embrace to forgive.
Embrace to say sorry.
Embrace to accept.

Embrace to receive.
Embrace to be free.
Embrace to live.
Embrace to heal.

Embrace to be healed.
Embrace for nothing.
Embrace to be yourself.
Embrace to be embraced.

Embrace to be happy…

The Best School in the World

Soon after I punched my ticket, a commotion developed inside the bus. The passenger behind started to spit a series of "maleducato" expletives to the driver, and more of those came from both parties in the next 7 minutes.

I don't understand much Italian, but I often heard these among them on streets, bus stations and parks, thrown by adults and kids as well. I love Italians, I love their arts, I love their language, I love their women. But this habit makes me lose my appetite for their pizzas and pastas.

It's true, some people are more 'educated' than others, but  I also believe that education is relative to one's culture and life situation. One may be idiot in one thing, but genius in the other. Each of us is an idiot savant.

Everyone should be educated, but true education  should bring us to the great knowledge, the knowledge of respect, equality and tolerance.

If  there is one thing a true educated person does not know, it is to throw expletives like this to his fellow human beings.

With all these thoughts about education, it is good to remember that the best educators are us, parents, and the best school in the world is our home…

Maria

--- June 2012 - Firenze, Italy 

It's been a while that I haven't met a person as happy as a free bird until yesterday.
When I heard and saw Maria told her story in a coffee bar  a few moths ago, I knew she would be an ear and eye catcher. She spoke with conviction, her eyes were sparkling.

It was her first time to talk to a crowd of professionals. And even before she could open her mouth, they were already in deep anticipation; they listened, they smiled, they nodded their heads and celebrated with her.

"This is what I have always wanted to do. This is me!" She declared.

The essence of being human, of being a person is freedom. Freedom to be ourselves, freedom to direct our paths, freedom to express ourselves. This is why when we become authentic, when we truly become who we really are, we are happy. As the author in Copyblogger wrote, "Be funny. Be serious. Be dark. Be outrageous. Be yourself!!!"  Be happy!

Ems and The Two Bumpers

Like any other ordinary morning, Emily called to update me of her previous day. She had two bumpers. One was her boss, and the other was the person she was with for more than 30 years.

After our usual long conversation, I explained to her about the concept of bumpers and rephrased what Thick Nat Hahn said: “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”

She understood and made her usual, "ah, so... I see." After lunch she called me back and reported me how she helped her boss heal. And the other one? She drove away and kept her eyes on the road. He is incurable.

Noemi, Un'altra Storia

Yesterday, I dropped by to talk with Noemi, an 87 year old woman living next door where I work. Right after she heard my “ciao” and realized that I was there to listen to her, she poured a barrage of her Italian stories like endless pasta spaghetti. Her stories were long but firm and seamless.

She told me about her young old days. She used to travel with her bike 20kilometers a day for 50 years.  She squeezed my hand like a wrestler does. She was a crusher! And then later, she lifted her skirt to show to me how impeccable her legs are. 

Her memory is superb too: she remembers all the phone numbers of her nieces and nephews. “Manual work and biking made me strong and beautiful,” she said. I agree with her.

After our short chat, I bade goodbye. With renewed enthusiasm, I went home… this time, riding Stefano’s bike :)

Bumpers

Driving back home from my work, a car ahead of us wanted to make an illegal u-turn. The driver did not seem to care. He swerved and droved and turned.  All of us along the way had no choice but to avoid him.

Seeing the driver and the kind of car he drove, it was not surprising. He seemed lost... and his car had several dents and scratches.

These people are called bumpers. Bumpers are people who are emotionally dented, scarred, deformed and lost. And in effect, they want to let other people feel the same way as they do. Like cars with bumpers, they’re conditioned to bump and hurt others. Why?

Thich Nhat Hanh perfectly put this into words: “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”

So, next time you encounter bumpers, if you’re unable to help, simply get out of their ways and keep your eyes on the road :)

Two Kinds of Connection

There are only two kinds of connection: bad or good connection.

Like our gadgets, we get an erratic reception if the connection is bad; on the other hand we get the benefits of accurate and enjoyable data transfer and reception if our connection is good.

In life, it's the same. We have hundreds of people around us, and we're connected in one way or another. The connection is bad with another person when we feel stressed out, imbalanced or if we have the need to be someone else when we’re around these people.

The connection is good with another, however, if we feel energized, inspired, understood, genuine,  beautiful and actualized. The universe is a happy and abundant place, but we need to get connected to it through the right person, in the right place at the right time. We call this frequency.

The law of the universe is simple: avoid bad connection and seek good connection. In the same manner,  if you think your presence in someone's life is a minus rather than a plus, it's charity to leave.

Great Love Story

Aside from Brams Stoker’s Dracula, I say one of the most beautiful love stories I’ve ever seen is Hancock.

Hancock? Is it a love story? Well, it depends on how you consider the movie. Hancock is a love story peppered with flying and fighting effects for the people who always want to see action on the big screen. But if you dig deeper, it’s a beautiful love story. And most of all, it’s a kind of story I witness myself in real life.

It’s a story of two people, John Hancock and Mary, made as pair immortals. They have superpowers, but they loss their powers and become humans when they get  too close to each other. They should maintain their distance in order to remain in their immortal state. In the end, even with great love for each other, John had to stay away from Mary in order to let her live… and for John to be save the world.

Love is not always holding hands, nor always being together the whole day, nor always together in bed. Love is also space, breath, trust and remembering.  If love is true, distance is an illusion. If love is true, the connection is not anymore physical: it’s spiritual and profound.

Khalil Gibran has a beautiful line for this:

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls…”

Love is also space, breath, trust and remembering…

11 Hour Stop-over

Among the wonderful people I met and had lively conversations with during my 11 hour stop-over in Dubai International Airport were Jacky, a Filipina serving coffee at Segafredo, who shot me a smile and helped me identify the free Wi-Fi connection;  next, Federica, an Italian writer based  in Australia, who asked me to help her with her Mac connection.

And lastly, was Rey, a young Chinese businessman who just bought a ship in Venice, we discussed about money and the necessity of connection in the business world.

Human beings cannot help but connect. In fact, life is in essence a web of connection. It does not matter if the connection is old or new. Connection makes life flowing and this life meaningful.

Love is the strongest connection, and paradoxically, the more immaterial the connection is, the stronger it is. As Friedrich Nietzsche said, “Invisible threads are the strongest ties”.

So, what in heaven did I do with my time? Connecting. God has given us time to connect and reconnect. He gave us hands as well, not to put inside our pockets, but to extend and reach for more hands. Connect… Keep connecting… you’ll be happy :)

Black or White… and Rainbows

Ninja movies in the 80’s made me obsessed with black. Then during my philosophy days in the early 90’s everyone around me had special affinity with white: white robe, white shirts, white brief, white everything. 

During the International Youth Forum in 1995, I met almost all nationalities. Everyone was proud of their colors and some are prejudicial with the rest. One youth leader, for example, would wear black ALL the time, and would raise an eyebrow to those who wore multicolor. But one student had the courage to tell him, “Sir, there are more colors other than black and they’re beautiful, you know.”  Deep inside I was smiling and admired the kid.

Judith Light  said, “Prejudice in any form is more than a problem; it is a deep-seated evil within our society.” I saw prejudice killed people’s spirits, dreams and existence.  I respect black but I also adore white, love caramel and lust for different colors.

If only humanity would fully understand that colors are just illusion and languages are simply instruments in the grand orchestra of life, there will be no more racism, or ‘colorism’. After all, we are all parts of the same league called humanity.

Where Life Starts

After I got married and had children, I started to forget who I was and what I can do. I settled down in my own secure little world… and I felt so old.  I wanted to be forgotten. But a long lost friend found me one day: “Are you John B whose birthday is on May 29?” That’s the message I received a few years ago. From then on, my life has never been the same again.

Today, I just turned 40, but I felt like I’m just 22 years old ready to go to the battlefield again, ready to risk, ready to conquer ready to win, ready to love. I have no special message for this post except the message of gratitude.

This morning Namie dressed up her dolls, put perfume in them and lined them up to greet and hug me: “Happy birthday, Daddy!”

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The Shortest Distance

I lost two canine pet friends. One was Paton which vanished in the jungle; another was Whitey which was lost on the street, stolen.

I lost them because I had no time to take care of them, to play with them, to bond with them. Today, when my kids would ask for a pet, my first question is, "Do you have time to take care of it?" 

I broke up with my first girlfriend because I could not find time with her. We loved each other, but our relationship made her suffer because of my absence.
I read somewhere, "Love is spelled T-I-M-E" It does not matter how we connect with our loved ones, what matters is that we give them our time. We have more ways to connect now than anytime in human history: text, call, email, phone and social media. There's no excuse.

And what shall we do with time?  Families spend it together in a dinner. Lovers spend it going to some beautiful places or making love. Friends spend it in parties or simply by walking. We call it time structuring.
This is why long distance relationships work.


The shortest distance between two people is TIME.


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The Nanny

After my nanny got married, her sister took over and cared for me, and then for my sister, Grace, and another one, Love.

My father said, “The quality of an employer is measured in the length of time an employee stayed with you.” My nanny, Dacay, stayed until all of us left home.

Respect. Respect for everyone was the motto of my busy father. Our nanny was far from perfect: she misplaced things, she made countless mistakes, but my father would correct her without insult or judgment on her person.

Virtue is not culture based: it is universal; nor it is based on how much money you have.

There’s an old story I heard from a sermon: “After the landlord attended a life-changing retreat, he went home and called his server: “You know, lad, from this time on, I will be civil and won’t say nasty things about you and your father anymore. I am a changed man now!”  With that, the server beamed and replied, “Wow, that’s great, I can now stop spitting on your soup!"

Have a nice day, everyone!  :)

Arrows of Five

Here are some of the well-liked dictums I managed to write in my temporary absence here in my blog.  They’re powerful and short as my time could allow me due to my new life’s situation. 

1. Nothing is permanent.
   That means life is not done with you yet.
   Keep changing. Keep evolving. Keep getting better. Explore. Risk. Love. Be happy...
2. Don't be afraid to kneel down. Kneeling down is a powerful gesture of humility that even the Heavens would bow down to raise you up...”
3. The real wealth in the world is the possession of the love of the person whom you consider precious...
4. Most people don't like Mondays, but Mondays are gates of blessings. Monday is MONey DAY :) We work and God gives us money through employers and business partners to feed our family and enjoy LIFE :)
5. Self-control is the real power!

And another short excerpt from one of my old favorite movies.
Ciao!

Boomerang Spirituality

Science may not recognize that prayers can effect change outside of the one praying.  So, Jane may pray for healing and prosperity for Gabriel but it wont have effect on Gabriel. BUT science recognizes that it will have good effects on Jane, the one praying. Some call this the power of benevolence, some call it the Law of Attraction.

This is NOT new. If you go back to your history and Philosophy, you'll find hundreds of literatures about this.

If you believe that prayers of good intentions EFFECT change on other persons because there's a God who listens and has the power to give, then we're on the same boat. We're better than science and more blessed.

The harder you throw a boomerang away from you, the more it has the power to come back to you.

Now, we have more reasons to bless, forgive and love other people. As you read this, you may experience more blessings and prosperity in your life. Be happy. God bless you...

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photo: Muriel Lasure | posted by john b. bejo

Bob

One strong case against Bob in the movie
The Incredibles, was saving a man who did not want to be saved.

Years ago,  a friend   maligned his  mother in law for helping him get his family intact. My former co-ed embarrassed us for ‘saving’ her from her drug addict lover. My classmate in elementary school blamed me for getting in between and stopping his fight with another classmate.

Many times in our lives, we dreamed of being a hero or somebody useful. But sometimes along the way, we get burnt for trying to interfere in the natural process of someone's' survival. The truth is some people don't need our help and doing so may cause more damage than fix.

And so, in this case, we could help by not helping; care by not doing anything;  listen by ignoring; love by letting someone be where they want to be...

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photo: © Alieh S . 2007 | posted by john b. bejo

Joy

When the world left me, she was there. She walked, cried, fought and stayed with me. Today it’s her birthday. 

When Joy and I got married, we had nothing: only our love and our dreams. We did not have a grand wedding. Even some of our sponsors were not properly dressed. We had the most frugal reception spending a cost of a low end smartphone now.

We stopped wearing our wedding rings because they're bent already. We bought them from the cheapest place in Ongpin. Maybe we could have bought a better pair if we had more money, but it's immaterial:  we both believe that wedding rings are not worn on fingers, but in our hearts...

When I was a kid, I loathed those men who hurt and abused their girlfriends and wives, I told my self, when my time comes, I will respect her and will not hurt her… and I have never forgotten that…

We may still have a long journey to take, but we believe we have woven happy strings of memories in the past that would always link us together even if all bridges would fall…

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posted by john b. bejo

Bruno

Bruno approached me to ask for a dime. I had nothing. I looked at him and pulled out my packed lunch and gave it to him. At first he hesitated and looked at me for several seconds to see if I was really serious to give my only food to him. He took the food and said, "Sir, what I can do for you. Thank you. Thank you. I will give my life to you. Tell me what to do." 

I walked away and avoided that way again. I did not want to see him again, because I did not want him to repay me of anything. I'll get embarrassed if he would.

Maybe I am stupid. Money would always make me blush. I worked for free for significant countless points of my life, and survived from the donations of unknown people. Later on when I had a family, my wife would get irritated for I gave my service for free: we have children to feed.

Perhaps, in a world where money is the only commodity, I am a moron and misplaced.  I have no money. Like Bruno, I want to pay back and pay forward. I still dream of a day when I can give my service for free for the people who have nothing to give except their wounded hands, for at the end what will count is the number of people we shared our lives with…

For all the people who made my life possible. Grazie mille !

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photo:by Mountain Brook| posted by john b. bejo

Giorgio

Almost every host here in Italy would brag about their best wine. Some have hundreds of different bottles in their cellar with different brands and howling price tags. But only one has served the best wine so far: Giorgio.

He lived in a less than 30 sq. meter country style apartment filled with what are essential and hundreds of VHS and cassette tapes of classical and modern concerts. He's an old friend of my brother Tootsie. He received us with warmth, sincerity and humble enthusiasm. And then served us his best salami, nuts, fresh cheese and wine.

For the first time, a total stranger felt at home. I sat comfortably on his old wooden chair and we started talking about his little collection and travels. I drank his wine with total faith that he won't translate it into an "utang na loob" or debt of gratitude. And he gave us a gallon of his best Extra Virgine Olive Oil before we left.

I believe that the best wine  is not in brands or price tags or in the elegant glasses. It is in the one who serves it. And therefore, anybody could serve the best wine, only if served with sincerity, genuine friendship and total self giving without a threat of ‘utang ng loob’… Cin cin :)

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photo: Tootsie and Giorgio | posted by john b. bejo