The World of Sadomasochists -First Part

    
For the first time, I have learned the real or maybe the visual meaning of the phrase "black and blue".  My colleague, a teacher, would often come to school literally 'black and blue'. Really! Everybody knew who did it. It was her second husband who was a driver and rehabilitated drug addict. It's a public knowledge. Everyday our faculty room would transform into an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting room, it's only that she was the only one who readily shared her problems. Everybody listened and gave their advices and condolences. As a counselor, I processed her several times. Needless to say almost all of our dealings had become an extension those sessions.


     One very unusual morning, I thought we saw fresh blood underneath her long sleeve. We knew that in the past she would sleep with an ice pick under her fellow. She confessed that it became her security habit; once she woke up feeling almost dying , her husband was on top of her with his both hands around her neck. He choked her. It was a lampshade which she grabbed and hit him. She swore that she already made several attempts to leave that guy, but the scene would end up her being dragged back home. This time, she said, that 'Noh' ( that's what she called her husband, a short for 'abno', that's abnormal I believe) drove off the car while she was still halfway inside. She ended up rolling on the road like a dead body. She swore he wanted to kill her.

     It was indeed a very unusual day; people who cared for her made a grand scheme to save her from 'Noh' once and for all. The school had a scheduled out of town conference. So the director included her in the delegate. The plan was that she goes home, gets her clothes, goes to the conference and comes back straight to a safe house (an apartment actually) owned by the our colleague's husband who was a high ranking military officer. Wow, it was indeed a successful plan. It was executed accordingly.

     No more 'AA' meetings, no more crying in the faculty room or in the director's office, no more counseling on the hallway: so I thought. On the third day after our 'success', there was again a soft wailing in the faculty room. It was her. "I miss 'Noh', I miss 'Noh.'  As you may guess, the next scene was a usual homecoming.

     This is a typical example of 'sadomasochism' according to M. Scott Peck. People love pain. They take pleasure in pain. In fact, they seek pain because that's the only way they 'felt loved'. Psychologists say that it goes back to our childhood when a parent would hit the child and then would say, 'you know, dear, I did that because I love you so much.' To some  of us, pain is a way of getting attention. The pain of being ignored is more painful than physical pain, that's why some children would unconsciously seek pain just to feel loved.

     Sad to say, some of our parents are sadomasochists. As the law of heredity goes, children inherit them. They seek people and relationships that are turbulent. And the same stories will be repeated again. Can we do something about it? My answer is 'YES.' My number one suggestion for this is a therapy. But since, seldom people who undergo a therapy session with a counselor or professional therapist, I would suggest you acquire a very good book of M. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled." Read it and apply. This may be a long discussion. Subscribe for an update here, and I will give you practical steps on how to get out of this kind of relationship. Acquire more knowledge of this and help others.

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